Got this email newsletter from Whole Foods today:
Well now my curiosity is piqued. Hey, I love to save money as much as the next guy. And I like Whole Foods as much as the next guy. No defamation here...um...except if you want to call going to WF 'going shopping on a budget.' Nice try. That's not defamation. That's refusing to be stupid about it.
So let met see if I can recap from this handy guide to not overspending at Whole Foods:
Buy from bulk bins to avoid paying for 'excess packaging.' Okay, fine. DUH to anyone who's ever bought any spice for any new recipe, ever. Oh and how's about you guys see if you can't do something about the 'excess packaging' problem you're having over there.
Buy "real" food instead of processed food. Just curious...anyone have any idea how many organic tomatoes would constitute a single can of marinara? No? Me neither. Anyone want to guess? Maybe for money? No? Didn't think so.
Use food to decorate and then eat it. Translation: In lieu of getting all of your ingredients plus flowers at a lesser grocery store, just come here anyway. Come on. Just do it.
Buy our very own no-name brand. It's like Kirkland signature but you can still maintain an adequate level of pretentious doing it. See? See how fun?
Actually just don't make dinner for your friends, after all. Let's be realistic.
Make a shopping list. Really? This is helpful? Since when?
Buy cheaper expensive meat. Complete with a nice handy link to some budget-friendly recipes. Like lamb and potato dolmas, because last time I really wanted to save some cash on animal protein I started buying lamb. I mean, seriously. It's the next best thing to 80% chuck....right? Am I wrong? Okay, let's be fair...how about kale and honeyed macadamia nuts? Because kale wouldn't be the same in a kale and macadamia nut salad without almond butter. Because when you're trying to save money you head out for almond butter at Whole Foods so you can add a tablespoon and a half to a kale salad.
I should point out, however, that someone did try this and consider it yum enough to even leave a comment on the recipe:
"Great surprise...Used what I had: peanut butter, cashews,rice vinegar...delicious!"
Thanks, cbwvv1 for driving my point home. Yep. Peanut butter. Exactly. Oh, rice vinegar, you say? Pretty bold, subbing out the white wine vinegar, don't you think? Wait...what's that? You're on a motherfucking budget?
Just checking.
PS. Yes I shop there. It's down the street and I'm a privileged, busy sailor. Kick rocks.
